Last week, my Copenhagen ladies (all who are actually American) came to London. This meant one thing: I had to pull my big girl socks up and became the ultimate tour guide. And that, my friends, I was.
I made an actual document with tips (think Oyster Cards), things to be aware of (people snatching your phone), check lists (Sunday roasts, crumpets, etc), places to eat, things to do. I had my shit together. However, they did not. So I booked a couple of must-do things as well, just so we covered the British basics. One of those top on my list was a classic Afternoon Tea. And where better to go than the ultimate English classic?
As we walked in, we’d realised we’d entered a wonderland.
However, I’m not a huge fan of crowds (okay but who is) so we hopped in the lift and it took us to a different kind of wonderland. One full of tea, treats and piano.
I was probably just as excited as everyone else. It was like I’d never been to tea before (I have, just to clarify, probably a few times too many).
There wasn’t just their classic Fortnum’s Afternoon Tea, there was even a Fortnum’s Savoury Afternoon Tea and Fortnum’s Vegetarian Afternoon Tea.
I’d eaten so much sweets earlier (I’d taken them to Ben’s Cookies, Bread Ahead Doughnuts, you know, the usual) that savoury sounded amazing to me.
Then I had to pick the tea. There’s a whole menu dedicated to different blends.
I decided on Green Tea, but then there’s a whole classic selection and infused selection.
I was going to be boring with normal green tea, but I thought I’d be a little exciting. And how better to jazz up your afternoon than with some alternative tea? Things are getting crazy.
Green Tea with Elderflower was my final choice, and it was a great one.
Then, afternoon tea.
Gabby and Hayden had Fortnum’s Traditional Afternoon Tea. If you know your afternoon tea, you know there’ll be treats, plain & fruit scones and finger sandwiches.
The sandwiches were Fortnum’s Smoked Salmon, Coronation Chicken, Cucumber with Mint & Cream Cheese, Wilshire Roast Ham with Honey & Mustard Dressing and Rare Breed Hen’s Eggs with English Cress.
Then there’s your clotted cream and jams for your scones. Strawberry and Lemon Curd! The menu also said they had Rasberry & Wild Blueberry so I’m sure you could have asked for them.
Bridget and I both decided to try out Fortnum’s Savoury Afternoon Tea.
Thank goodness, I don’t think I could’ve had another bite of sugar.
It was the same sandwiches, but the treats and scones were both savoury, of course.
Say hello to a Brown Crab Muffin with White Crab Mayonnaise, Wild Mushroom Turnover, Oeuf Drumkilbo, Lemon Madeleine with Smoked Salmon and Rabbit & Duck Terrine with Prune Jam.
The scones were Goats Cheese Scone and Duck Egg and Chard Scone.
I’d asked for a cheddar sandwich instead of a ham one so I didn’t have to eat pork, which I was very happy with. It was an open-faced finger sandwich.
The savoury scones came with their own spreads too. Red Onion Marmalade for the Goat Cheese Scone and English Mustard Cream Cheese for the Duck Egg and Chard Scone.
It was too exciting. It’s hard to be demure when all you want to do is stuff your face with everything at once. But no, we were ladies. We’d stuff our faces politely.
The savoury scones were unreal. I didn’t even miss the sweet ones.
My favourite was the duck egg and chard one, topped with that English Mustard Cream Cheese it was insaaaaane.
Bridget liked the Goat Cheese one with Red Onion Marmalade more though. To be fair they were both so good, we probably just liked the ones we first bit into more. The first bite is always the best.
I forgot that I didn’t teach them how to eat scones, I just assumed they already knew. About 10 minutes into tea, they were questioning the clotted cream and jam and what to do with them. I completely forgot I hadn’t gone through it! Worst tour guide ever.
Oh yes, I forgot to mention, on top of getting an unlimited amount of tea (when you want more finger sandwiches, scones, pastries, whatever – they’ll keep bringing them out), there’s also a cake carriage for you to fill up to your heart’s desire.
Gabby was set on eating herself into a food coma. After a couple of rounds of everything, she decided she wasn’t leaving without a slice of something delicious.
And she got it. I could have gotten on the floor and rolled home. I have no idea how many times I’ve written that within this blog’s lifetime, but you’d think I’d have learnt my lesson by now. The rules of afternoon tea are there are no rules.